arewethereyet

of clothes that don’t fit me anymore. A friend is coming over in a week or so to “go shopping” before I donate the remainder to charity. It’s absurd. Nothing fits. I’ve looked at myself in the mirror a lot the last few days (naked several times!) and I’m convinced… I’m downright skinny, for me. I mean 214 pounds isn’t skinny but seriously I’m like the world’s skinniest 214 pound person. I remember being this weight a few years ago - when I did Atkins - and I honestly wasn’t this slim. So here’s to walking and to Claire - I wouldn’t be contemplating a whole new wardrobe without either of those.

I’m not sure I’m completely ready to be skinny. I know that sounds weird too but I’ve never been skinny in my whole life, and I don’t know what it’s going to be like. What if I’m not the biggest person in the room anymore? What will that feel like? Will it be fun or will it be scary? Some part of me will always feel like the fattest girl in the place regardless of what the scale or size chart says. It’s a mental adjustment. I think that’s why I keep saying it out loud to myself. And to Claire. And to my shrink. I need to hear it. It’s not a mantra. And when I hit Onederland - holy cow. I’m beginning to think the family reaction to my weight loss is going to be difficult to handle over the holidays as well. I haven’t seen anyone in my family, including my parents, since the beginning of August when I started the gluten-free, casein-free lifestyle. I’m not sure I want to be the center of attention because of my weight - even if it is for a positive. It’s a bit overwhelming to think about. So I’ll think about something else…

Tim and I have date number 2 tomorrow night. We are both clearly looking forward to it - he’s so easy to talk to and he’s just ridiculously open about saying “You know what? I like you!” How refreshing. Anyway, we are going to a Cajun place - dinner and music. Another late meal but I’ve checked out the menu already and they seem to have good salads that I can enjoy as a healthy alternative. The place we’re going is pretty near his house. I did that on purpose - I’ll have to drive home (he lives like 30 minutes away with Chicago traffic) so I won’t be tempted to drink… saving calories. And brain cells. See, smart Ellen!

Hugs to all and thank you for all your continued support. I am better for it, and need it more than ever as I enter this next phase of me. Ellen

Please join me in a happy dance - my first official Saturday weigh-in (date changed because of my new team… the Hot Rods!) was a good one. I’m down 3 pounds - actually I guess it’s technically 3.5 now that I think about it! So what does this mean? (1) I lost all my Wisconsin ‘baggage’ and then some (2) I hit my first mini goal (3) I got a red star - woo hoo!! and (4) My rules work for me! So happy happy - joy joy!! Let’s dance.

And after all that dancing, I am taking tonight off my rules. Pretty much all of them I think. My big date is tonight and he has to work today and won’t get home until 6:30 ish so we are having a late supper, at an Italian restaurant where there’s bound to be gluten and casein in spades. So what’s my plan of attack? (1) Walk 6 miles today. (2) Eat bulky light calories (big salads, etc) and no grains at all during the day. (3) Get through the gallon of water before the date and drink lots of it on the date. (4) At the restaurant, choose a a strong protein meal and start with a salad to fill up. No dessert, no pasta dish, no pizza! Anyway, I deserve a night off so I’m taking it. But don’t worry - I know I don’t deserve all day off, and I don’t deserve tomorrow off so know that I will be very much on track before and afterward. I just want to have a really good time tonight. I’m really excited for this date - more than I’ve been in a long while. I already know that I think he’s cute, and he’s easy to talk to, and he laughs easily… so hopefully there will be some real magic to report tomorrow.

Allrighty kiddoes I realize this is a short post for me, particularly when I haven’t blogged all wee, but I clearly have a lot to do before tonight! Including 6 miles. And figuring out what I’m going to wear! Yikes!

Have a wonderful Saturday my beautiful buddies. I wish you happiness and joy all day long. Hugs! Ellen

I took the weekend off. No walking for me. I’ve been fighting a horrible headcold since Friday - running a fever and everything - and I decided it wasn’t worth it to do the walking this weekend. So I will officially miss my weekly walking goal of 25 miles - and I’d like to just add, I’m perfectly okay with that.

That said, yesterday was eventful. First off, I went to the Coldwater Creek Spa with 2 of the 3 people I went to Wisconsin with (Cheryl and Paulette). It was Paulette’s birthday - an important notation here. And friends, if you have a Coldwater Creek Spa anywhere near you, please make an appointment today for the world’s best pedicure. They wash your feet by hand, cover you in blankets, and put a warm wrap around your neck. Then, get this, they tip chair back so you’re laying down, and they put a lavendar scented flax pillow over your eyes, and proceed to pamper you for 45 minutes or so. Just delicious. I’ll leave out the part of the warm booties they put you in after lotioning up your feet. (OH MY!) Coldwater Creek. Yes like the store. Run, don’t walk. I swear I don’t get kickbacks. LOL

So after the amazing pedicure we proceeded to go shopping downstairs, at of course Coldwater Creek. This was an exciting 200 dollar shopping trip (I know - and here I was saying just 2 days ago that I couldn’t go shopping). But honestly I could have spent more. And the best part was this: I bought all Ladies (not Women’s) clothing! An XL wine-colored sweater, an XL tan suede jacket (I have no jackets that fit!), and size 16 black slacks. Now, I will confess that their stuff tends to run a bit big but still I was very happy. And 200 bucks later I have an entire outfit that can also be mixed and matched with other things in my dwindling wardrobe. Fabulous!

So then I went shopping at Wild Oats so I could pick up a few things to bring to the party I was invited to - yes, the one where I would be meeting the potential guy. You’ll have to keep reading to find out…  and I bought some goat cheese and some rice crackers and a gluten-free pie so I could have dessert if I wanted it. All I did with the goat cheese btw was put it on a plate and let it soften a bit, then dump some cherry salsa over the top of it, and then arrange the crackers around it. So easy, so yummy, it was a hit.

Then I got dressed. Decided on the faded jeans and a tunic-y top with some sparkles in it. (Paulette is a big fan of the sparkles at it was here bday party of sorts.) And I got to the party about 6:30pm. I did really well on my food. It’s a big Italian family doing this, so dinner was baked ziti and garlic bread. Well I did have literally 6 ziti noodles, but I purposefully filled up on my appetizer and the celery that was on the veggie platter nearby so I wasn’t hungry. And I wasn’t drinking, not only because I was sick but also hello? I promised you I wouldn’t!

Sometime during the first hour or so, the 13-year old matchmaker came up to me all excited and said, “OMG that’s him he’s here! What do you think??” I told her to chill out. He ended up coming over and sitting at the table that I was at with about 6 other women - most of the men were watching sports and hanging out elsewhere. And we were introduced. No big deal. Then I got up a little while later to refill my water/ice and guess who follows me? That’s right - Tim. (He has a name.) And we proceeded to talk in the kitchen for an hour. Maybe more. During which time he asked me to go to a concert with him on December 1st and I agreed, and we exchanged phone numbers. (Woo hoo!) Fast forward to the end of the evening… when I’m leaving I give his sister-in-law a kiss on the cheek and thank her for her hospitality, he says “hey I’ll call you” and I say “great! and preferably well before the concert.” And I head out, pretty contented. I’m definitely interested but playing it pretty cool… as at least one certain buddy has constantly drilled into me lo these many months. Ahem.

So fast forward again to early this afternoon… ring ring ring. Guess who called? He told me a buddy chastised him for not walking me to the car (I was in the driveway… no big deal) and that the partygoers gave him the 3rd degree immediately after I walked out. Anyway, we talked for about 20 minutes and we set a first date for next weekend. We’re doing dinner and maybe music. So how fun is that? I’m very happy about this… it’s the first time I’ve met someone like this in a long time. I realize there’s a lot to know before I know if I like him like him or just like him, but at first glance he seems like a good guy. Attractive, age-appropriate, good family values, bright, funny, loves Tivo just like me, has traveled some but wants to do more, didn’t freak out about my gluten-free living and even tasted the pie (which we both agreed was not good at all). All the way around, a good fit. Oh and here’s the amazing kicker… I FEEL TINY AROUND HIM. He’s a wall of a human being. He’s got to be 6′2″ and he’s very broad. I’m a TINY girl around him. If that doesn’t make him a keeper I don’t know what does?

So anyway, despite my yukky cold which thankfully didn’t interfere too terribly much I done snagged me a date! Set-up successful so far… we’ll see how it goes. Of course, they were planning our wedding in Wisconsin when they realized we were both available. I haven’t started looking at china patterns yet. I think I’ll wait til our first totally on-our-own dinner. Ha!

More soon. I’m going to make some tea and honey per an old Russian grandmother’s recipe and hunker down for the night.  Air kisses to all - don’t want to get you guys sick!

Ellen

And honestly I’m doing quite well with it. I’m kinda proud of myself. I’ve been within my calories and thanks to the food journal I know it. I’ve done very well on making good food choices and I know this because my pie chart looks pretty darn good! I’m choosing ‘medicinal’ foods for my blood type and not just neutrals and that’s also helping I think quite a bit.

My biggest challenge has been hunger after 7pm. I am genuinely hungry in the evenings. So I think it means I’m not eating quite enough during the day. Or at dinner. But I’ve done it - no snacking this week after dinner. I’ve snacked during the day of course, but that’s built in to my eating plan. I just had a yummy honey crisp apple for my pm snack and gals I gotta tell ya, it just rocked. So crunchy and delicious. I get excited when my body craves healthy food.

I’m fighting a cold. Which also means that I’m fighting to get myself to the gym. But today I went and I did a great job. 4 miles, slowly on purpose. I decided to do hills mostly to keep me from wanting to jog too much. My legs have been wanting a break but I haven’t felt like I could give them one… Thanksgiving Challenge is very very motivating for me. And so I just wanted to walk today. In the third mile I ran a few ‘wind sprints’ - I’d take the treadmill up to 5.0 and run for a minute, then I’d bring it back down to 3.5 for a few minutes. Nothing too crazy and it gets it done faster. That said, running is becoming somewhat more difficult for me. Not because I am in worse shape - far from it. It’s because my super-constricting sports bra is not as constricting as it once was. (Ergo, I bounce, which is not comfortable.) Don’t get me wrong - I’m happy about that. But these bras are not cheap and I am not employed. I may experiment with putting one of them in the dryer to see if that helps tighten things up.

Tomorrow it seems I am being set up by the people I went to Wisconsin with. I’m willing my cold to hold off so I’m able to be sparkly self. The guy is age appropriate and available; hopefully he’s fun and kind and handsome. I’ve been thinking about what to wear - I think I’m going to have to pull a dryer routine on my blue jeans to make them fit a bit more snugly. How weird is it to think about tightening things up and not about how tight things are? It’s my obsession of late. But I cannot buy new things right now. It’s just not smart financially at all. I will buy new things when I hit Onederland… so the holidays are my goal for that!

Okay time to think about dinner, which is chicken for sure. I’m supposed to want beef, according to my blood type, but today… not so much. So chicken it is. Have a wonderful weekend everyone and I will check in on you for sure.

I give what I get and I get what I give. I am surrounded by people who love and support me.

Ellen

Much to my surprise, the scale was kind this morning. This is not my official weigh-in day, just my “how much damage did you do this weekend” weigh-in. And there was no gain (but no loss) from my weekend in Wisconsin. I did well sticking to the no gluten routine, but had a pumpkin pie latte while I was gone so there was casein for sure. And I definitely ate some crap - chips being the most egregious violation. Luckily, it seems like for the most part, I did okay. I concentrated my meals on protein and veggies, and it appears I offset the other food choices with walking. I got in 16 miles while gone. It wasn’t even that hard to do believe it or not. The first day I hit the treadmill in the hotel for a few miles. The next day I did a 5 mile walk while everyone else was getting their respective days started. Then one day we went to a state park and I got a few miles in there as well. I wore my pedometer all around so I was able to track the miles we were walking that I wouldn’t normally even know about. All in all it was good.

A high point of the weekend - I bought a size Large in the regular ladies section of a boutique. Yes, it’s oversized. No question about that. But it’s still a great nsv. Another odd yet high point… as I think I told you, I was certainly the smallest person on the trip… probably not by a lot with 2 of them but I’m certainly in a lot better shape than anyone else. On Sunday night, we were going to hit the pool/hot tub for a bit. I came down in my swimsuit and  cover-up and one of the ladies said, “I want to tell you something but I don’t want you to be offended.” I was like I won’t be. She said, “Even though you’re a bigger girl, you have a very beautiful body. You’re so proportionate and so strong. And I don’t think you have any cellulite on your legs at all!” The other woman in the room agreed. I wasn’t offended - I was very flattered. It was nice to get some acknowledgment for all my hard work.

Heading outside for a nice long walk. I am at 203 miles and counting. Today is my last day for the week tally and while I’m already over my minimal goal for the week, I’d like to add at least 4 miles to it today. Hugs to all, Ellen

Woo hoo! I am down 2.5 pounds this week! (Actually that’s over the last 2 weeks because technically I never got around to weighing in last week with all the craziness around here!) That puts me at 19 pounds down since the beginning of August when I began the new eating plan and I am just thrilled to pieces with the results.

Spent another 2.5 hours at the gym today. I worked out with Claire again - and we did a god awful lot of back today. I also walked 5 miles on the treadmill at some pretty serious inclines (8-15%) and at a pretty decent clip too. So that was good too. All the way around it’s been a good day. I’m at 187 miles on the 300 mile challenge, which is also fantabulous news.

Now I am preparing for my trip to Wisconsin. I’ve got Ellen-treats and good healthy food too on the menu - so I can stay true to myself and my plan without feeling deprived the entire time. I think total denial would be worse for me in both the long and the short run. My goal is to maintain in Wisconsin; if I end up slightly lighter on Monday morning that would be golden. But if it’s the same, no worries. I will also walk a minimum of 2 miles on the treadmill each day, and whatever else we end up walking I’ll count as well with the help of a pedometer. I will focus on large muscle training - specifically Core and legs which are easy to get to with or without special equipment. And that’s the plan.

Now I have an interesting challenge… it’s time to figure out what the heck I can wear out of my fall clothes. I have no clue how these things are going to fit at all right now.  This oughta be interesting.

See you all on Sunday when I return. Please keep good thoughts and vibes coming my way and I will do the same for each of you! HUGS! Ellen