arewethereyet

Well I’ve decided it’s time to do a cleanse again. I’ve found myself craving chocolate and bad things and being more knoshy than I would like to be. It’s not normal for me anymore and I don’t like it. I feel like I need to do something dramatic to break the cycle so I’m cleansing. First step is an herbal total body cleanse. I picked up the kit at Whole Foods today. I’ve also grabbed a bunch of organic juices to use during the cleans itself. It’s very exciting. Not. Actually I’ve done these before with good results. It’s just a process - psychological as much as physical for me - that gets me back on track with my eating and my focus.

I’m finding Tim irritating as hell right now. Okay that’s not fair. He’s wonderful. But what’s irritating is that he’s down almost 10 pounds from last week. And he’s eating crap. I on the other hand am up like 2 pounds this week. I have been eating too much - but by and large it’s been too much good for me food. Like I said, I’m knoshy.

Anyway, he’s in the kitchen right now. He’s making this uber-garlic chicken for us for dinner. It smells heavenly in here right now. I’m glad we’re both eating this because holy cow it’s gonna be a stinky ol night around here that’s for sure. LOL

I did 5 miles at the gym today. Feeling very proud of that. It used to be a daily habit. Now it’s an exciting accomplishment. I really really really need to get a treadmill for the house. I want to be doing 5 miles a day no matter what and getting to the gym is getting harder and harder, and will only get more challenging as the work situation firms up. On the plus side there, I have about 2 miles built into my day once I begin commuting again. It’s about a half mile to the train from the house and a half mile to the office from the train station once I get to the city. So you know what, that is excellent news. I’m suddenly excited about that possibility too.

Golly I’m in a very positive mood today. It’s kinda odd. I’m not sure what’s driving it. Perhaps it’s the garlic that’s wafting through the house. I’m serious when I tell you it smells awesome in here right now. Must go sniff the boyfriend.

Have a good weekend everyone. XO Ellen

Good news everyone - I got the job! I’ll begin as an account executive in about 10 days. That gives me time to get some of my Easter walking in and to buy some new work pants. I’m definitely going to need to buy some new clothes for this gig. And I deserve them! Anyway, I’m excited to call this period of unemployment done. The only thing hanging in the balance is the background check. It’s a formality - I guess they are looking to see if I’ve lied on my application (which I haven’t) or been arrested recently (I haven’t - actually I’ve never been arrested now that I’m thinking of it lol). They are also checking my credit rating. Glad this long period of unemployment hasn’t caused me to default on any financial obligations! So anyway, woo hoo. Happy me.

I’ve been doing a pretty decent job on my walking this week. I’ve done 7 miles in the last 2 days, plus an hour with Claire. I plan to do more again tomorrow. I tell ya, 2008 has been hard for me to keep up with the exercise plan. I think it’s because of the series of physical issues (the back injury and the bronchitis being at the top of the list) and the flurry of activity on the job front. And now that I’ll be working again it’s not going to get any easier. I’ve made an important decision - I’m going to change gyms. That means losing Claire (as a trainer, not as a friend!) but frankly I can’t keep a pricey membership at a gym 11 miles from my house and 25 miles from my job and hope to actually use it enough. So I’m going to be looking at 3 new places - we have a Bally’s and an Xsport Fitness within a mile of the house, and I’m also going to check out the local YMCA. I don’t think the hours at the Y will meet my needs but I’m still going to check it out. We’ve also been shopping for treadmills. I have major jealousy of all you with them in your houses and I really want one here so I don’t have to leave the house to get some walking in. That said, I know I am motivated by the social nature of the gym experience so I am leaning towards that route. So much to think about. Damn this working thing.

I made gluten free pizza for dinner tonight - with goat cheese and turkey sausage on my part. Yummy. I also had a salad like a good girl. No worries.

Hope all is well with everyone. I’m going to call it a night… the snoring has died down in the other room so I think I might just be able to sleep! Hugs to all, XO Ellen

Well it’s been a long and interesting day so far, and it’s not even half over yet I fear. So let’s start with the news that I think a number of my buddies are looking for… my meeting this morning went very well. I received a ’soft offer’ from the hiring manager and was sent on my way to ponder that overnight. He will call me tomorrow, or Monday latest, with the actual offer, presuming I want one, which I do. (Getting a job is very complicated, you know?) I came home very happy (and btw I was back in the house by 9am so you know it was an early meeting) and made a few phone calls. Found out that the other job that I thought I’d be getting an offer to was GONE. They extended an offer to another candidate, who accepted it. So that’s that, I’m expecting to accept an offer to work for MDR, a division of Dun & Bradstreet, tomorrow. I’ll be a National Account Executive so perhaps I’ll be jetting to a city near you!

Other news. Had lunch with my gluten-free longest friendship of my life pal Betsy. We literally were in a playpen together. She’s awesome. She’s very emotional today and burst into tears several times while we were talking about life, love, and all that good stuff. It’s funny. She’s always been the sap, I’ve always been the stalwart. Some things never change! But we went to this place called Ted’s - they have an amazing gluten-free menu - and we ordered the same thing we did last time…. house salads (no croutons), bison burgers wrapped in lettuce instead of buns, and french fries which are gluten-free (btw, not all fries are gluten-free… who knew?) Anyway, we just gabbed and talked and caught up and it was great. I ate the entire salad, the entire burger, and about 10 fries. Just a delicious lunch. And a ton of fun.

Then I went shopping for a V-Day gift for Tim. I realized that I needed to get him something when my mom asked me what I was getting and I didn’t feel comfortable saying “me in a sexy negligee.” Figured he should have something to show for it. So I got him a grilling cookbook and a picture frame that says “Love” on it. And me in a sexy negligee - don’t tell mom! We are celebrating V-Day tomorrow. I have school tonight and as you can see my day has been quite long already. It’s funny how this year when I have a Valentine, the day isn’t monumental for me. Why was it so monumental when I was alone? Anyway, the important thing is celebrating the love, not celebrating it on the day. We are going on a romantic date downtown to a French Thai restaurant. Should be wonderful.

And with that I must fly. I have reading to do before class and I’m so tired it’s going to take me a very very very long time! Hugs to all, and Happy Valentine’s Day. XO Ellen

Oh wait! I promised you a rant! Well here it is. You know how I got that amazing suit on sale at Macy’s last week? Well I wore it today and I felt great in it so I decided that I’d go suit shopping again at Macy’s, albeit a different one. Macy’s recently took over Marshall Field’s here, much to everyone’s chagrin, and I knew that particular Marshall Field’s well. I walked directly into the door that would have put me in the expansive plus-sized section and it wasn’t there. Instead I found teeny-bopper bathing suits. Hardly what I was looking for. I saw an arrow pointing to the Women’s section and so I followed it. Walked the entire floor to be shown a sign that said, “Women’s 14W-24W has been moved to the Lower Level.” Then I got downstairs and I was already so hopping mad that I wasn’t poised to like anything anyway but they had no suits! Just some junky play clothes. Is it me? Have you noticed how they tuck plus-sizes away in the corner? Away from noise, people… away from being seen? I mean you guys know I’m on the cusp between departments now - should I have to go between 2 or 3 floors to see if the 1X jacket is a better fit for me than the Ladies XL? I mean, it’s ridiculous. I’ve always felt hidden away, like a dirty secret, when I’ve shopped in these sections. This particular Marshall Field’s I loved because it was prominent and I just loved what they had. And now, NOTHING. It’s ridiculous. So I’m absolutely boycotting that particular Macy’s and after I go through their downtown location one last time I may boycott them all. Bastages.

Dear Universe,

Thank you for my gift on the scale this morning. I don’t know how to explain a 1/2 pound loss with only 2 days of cardio and one day of weight training, and multiple examples of me cheating on my diet. Thank you for showing me that you can be merciful, even when I haven’t earned it.

Thank you also for the plethora of nonscale victories this week. Thank you for the new size 14W suit that fit me off the rack, no alterations, that was on sale for 160 bucks. Thank you for the Coldwater Creek shopping day when you showed me that I cannot wear a 1X anymore no matter how often I try to put them on. Thank you for the gigantic “NORDIC TRACK” sign in Sears - if we hadn’t been standing at that dumb PageComm kiosk at the mall for so long yesterday I would have gotten my run in, but instead I saw that sign and I found out that I can get a really nice treadmill (one that my 203.5 pound frame can run on well) for 800 bucks. Thank you for the insane number of compliments I received last night at the fundraiser - I thought I looked cute enough in my jeans and sparkly stretch shirt but apparently I also looked downright skinny. I must remember to wear that again soon.

Thank you for the people in my life. Thank you for the patience of my cousin Annie, who is the one who made me buy that shirt I wore last night, and is the one who sat there in the Nordstrom dressing room saying “no that doesn’t fit, no that’s too big, no that’s not your size” until I heard her. Thank you for the love in my life who springs out of bed in the morning to make me coffee and oatmeal, carefully slicing half a banana and layering sprinkles of cinnamon sugar throughout. Thank you for the support of family and friends throughout the unemployment drama of the last 8 months. I sense it is coming to an end now, which I thank you for as well, but I know I never would have made it without that support. And thank you for sending me to BuddySlim where I have found the motivation to continue my weight loss journey during this period of unemployment, a situation which I know would have made me eat and eat and eat in the past.

When I look at all my blessings, Universe, I know that I am not doing my part. It is time for me to step up and give back to you. I need to take this one-day-at-a-time. This week I promise you that I will give my body nourishing food and take my supplements religiously because I respect my body as you respect me. This week I will move my body whenever and wherever I can. I will go to the gym and on days when it is too cold or too snowy or too whatever I will move my body at home. I will put on an exercise DVD or I will put on my iPod and dance until I drop. My body craves that workout, and I will give into that craving as much often as I can. This week I will get the sleep my body craves so it can perform the way I know it can and I know it wants to. This week I will smile at strangers and reach out to friends because I know you have put each person in my personal Universe for a reason and I gain so much from those interactions.

Well Universe, I need to head out now. I stepped off the scale and put on my workout clothes. I’m off to the gym, as promised. My organic gluten-free waffles are toasting away and I can smell them from here. Yummmmm. I’ll stop at DD for the coffee since my boy decided to go back to his place last night in order to avoid that fundraiser. *wink*

Thank you again for all you have done for me. I am blessed. And I know it.

Yours humbly, Ellen

Haven’t we all heard that one? Shopping for clothes and being sent to the fat girl section? Ugh. Today was the first time I was floored by that statement in a positive way. I was shopping in the fat girl section (of Nordstrom) only to find out that their 14W’s are now too big, at least in pants. My goodness I carry my weight up top, but I digress. So that’s what the lady said to me in the dressing room, looking at the absurd roominess of the slacks I was trying on. “You need to go to the other section, dear.” Wow, talk about a non-scale victory. Even more shocking was I went to the regular size zone and they didn’t look alarmed at seeing me there. No one asked me who I was shopping for. They just asked me if they could help me. I bought a sweater that was on sale. It was an XL, but a regular girl’s XL. I’m a bit thrown off by the whole experience. In a good way but I’m definitely living with funhouse mirrors of my body. I wonder when I’ll see myself as others see me. I suspect it’s a long-time coming.

My quest to Onederland is slow. Very very slow. But I’m getting there. My personal goal is to get there in February. And yes I realize that’s like 1 pound a week and I should probably set my sights a little higher but I just want to keep moving along this trajectory to Onederland. I’m trying to enjoy the journey. I think I may be enjoying it too much - the destination just isn’t that far away and yet I plod along. Ho-hum. It’s been hard to get in enough exercise the last few weeks - weather, interviews, and some health drama had the better of me for a bit - but I’m still working out several days a week (4?) and every time I do I think “I need to make more time for this again!” What I really need is a treadmill here at the house. But then I’d have to think of another excuse.

I had 3 very good interviews this week - I can see at least 2 of them moving forward. I hope I hope I hope. Today’s was for an amazing job that I would love to do. The money isn’t as terrific as I’d hoped it would be but the job would be so gratifying, and the experience would be worth it. The other 2 jobs pay boatloads… I’m just not sure if I want them at the same level as the one I interviewed for today. That said, it’s tough to turn down boatloads of cash, particularly when you’ve been without an income as long as I’ve been without one now. Ugh.

Anyway, I am clearly just rambling. I just wanted to share my nonscale victory and wish everyone a very very happy February. And so it goes. Hugs to all, Ellen