I’ve started making a pile in the living room…
of clothes that don’t fit me anymore. A friend is coming over in a week or so to “go shopping” before I donate the remainder to charity. It’s absurd. Nothing fits. I’ve looked at myself in the mirror a lot the last few days (naked several times!) and I’m convinced… I’m downright skinny, for me. I mean 214 pounds isn’t skinny but seriously I’m like the world’s skinniest 214 pound person. I remember being this weight a few years ago - when I did Atkins - and I honestly wasn’t this slim. So here’s to walking and to Claire - I wouldn’t be contemplating a whole new wardrobe without either of those.
I’m not sure I’m completely ready to be skinny. I know that sounds weird too but I’ve never been skinny in my whole life, and I don’t know what it’s going to be like. What if I’m not the biggest person in the room anymore? What will that feel like? Will it be fun or will it be scary? Some part of me will always feel like the fattest girl in the place regardless of what the scale or size chart says. It’s a mental adjustment. I think that’s why I keep saying it out loud to myself. And to Claire. And to my shrink. I need to hear it. It’s not a mantra. And when I hit Onederland - holy cow. I’m beginning to think the family reaction to my weight loss is going to be difficult to handle over the holidays as well. I haven’t seen anyone in my family, including my parents, since the beginning of August when I started the gluten-free, casein-free lifestyle. I’m not sure I want to be the center of attention because of my weight - even if it is for a positive. It’s a bit overwhelming to think about. So I’ll think about something else…
Tim and I have date number 2 tomorrow night. We are both clearly looking forward to it - he’s so easy to talk to and he’s just ridiculously open about saying “You know what? I like you!” How refreshing. Anyway, we are going to a Cajun place - dinner and music. Another late meal but I’ve checked out the menu already and they seem to have good salads that I can enjoy as a healthy alternative. The place we’re going is pretty near his house. I did that on purpose - I’ll have to drive home (he lives like 30 minutes away with Chicago traffic) so I won’t be tempted to drink… saving calories. And brain cells. 
See, smart Ellen!
Hugs to all and thank you for all your continued support. I am better for it, and need it more than ever as I enter this next phase of me. Ellen
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All good problems to have……clothes are getting too big and you are getting smaller. It may seem overwhelming but you should really enjoy it. YOu have worked hard for it!
Have a great night!
Fantastic job. Congratulations on everything. I hope your family is supportive and encouraging. Quite often, family members try to subtly sabotage you by offering you fattening foods and making you feel badly if you don’t try it. Or they’ll make comments like “Don’t you think you’ve lost enough weight?”
Right Slimdude. How could Tim not like you? You sound like such a happy person and so grounded. And I’ll bet you are tall and long legged. Have a great time on your date and we will wait to hear your update. Isn’t it wonderful to need smaller clothes? It does take time for your body image to change, but at least it’s in the best direction! I remember having bruises on my thighs from trying to slip through small spaces when I first gained weight. Here’s to you!! Keep up the great spirit. Hugs, Marge
Hugs to you smart Ellen
Have fun on your date tomorrow.
I know what you mean about the changes being overwhelming to think about but I guess we have to think about all the positives and there are so many many many of them.
LIke going shopping for new clothes. How exciting that will be.
Keep up the great work Ellen
Lori
I am so happy for you. You have worked hard so enjoy this new slim look you have. Keep on walking. Have fun on the date with Tim.
I hope you have so much fun on your date. Thanks for being so supportive of me.
Ellen, that is fantastic ! I know how you feel with the thing about not knowing how people are going to react . I hope everyone is very supportive for you , because you deserve the very best ! You’ve worked to hard to take less ! So , Kudos , on a job well done ! Kimmi
Well, I can tell you being skinny isn’t so bad. I can be downright fun. And I don’t mean to say I’m skinny now. Everyone has a different idea of what thin is. But, being thinner can give some people a little more confidence. At least it did for me. Some people have great confidence no matter what size they are but not me. I would make jokes about myself eating more or whatever. And now, no jokes needed. And people will probably make you the center of attention for a bit when they see you. Just pull through and next thing you know the topic changes. Or make the topic change. Just enjoy being healthier overall. I hope you have a great time on date #2. Let us know how it goes.
Ha ha! I meant “It can be downright fun” not “I can be downright fun” although I have my moments. lol.
good luck on your date!! Congrats on your successes!!!
Good job on the clothes! I have to do that, again, too! Have fun on your date!
I hope you have a wonderful date with Tim! I know it must be scary, but in a good way! Try to enjoy the fruits of all of your hard work! It isn’t going to jinx your luck or anything!
I think getting rid of all of those clothes is going to be great help with you changing your perspective on your body image. You’re letting go of who you used to be! That’s so great! You’re really such an inspiration to all of us, and you deserve all of your progress.
Tim sounds great; you better be prepared to dish about date number two!!
New clothes phase is great! And upsetting to see your favorites way too baggy! I am happy for you and TIM, not to be confused with TOM! Lol….Enjoy the attention for once people want to talk to you, not about you! it is awesome! and skinny is what you define yourself as…slimdude was right, people will try to bring you down! Enjoy life! Angie
You are a 100% inspiration! I hope you are here next J1une when I start to lose weight again after the baby. I could use your motivation. You are a star in my book.