arewethereyet

Where is Lars? My sexy (pretend) swedish masseur? I need a foot massage!

Holy cow. 10 miles is a long walk. I know that’s obvious on face value, but OMG it’s a long walk. I did it in 3hr 20 mins including the break I took upon arriving at Trader Joe’s where I bought a 25 ounce bottle of water and a banana and sat on a wall for a few minutes regrouping. It was about 85 degrees here today - somebody better tell the weatherman that October is tomorrow - but it was breezy and it was nice day for walking. I just put on the headset and left. Got through 45 songs on the iPod. All in all it was good.

I think I would have enjoyed it more with Megan, but she ultimately couldn’t make it. She is in school as well and oddly enough is taking statistics too, and she has assignment due by midnight tonight. She also had something she had to go to with her husband at 4pm, so taking 4 hours out of her day to walk with me was just more than she could commit to. I understood completely. She and I met up yesterday at the zoo and we got to spend some time there together catching up while her kids ran all over the place and tortured her for presents from the gift shop. (She’s a champ - didn’t even blink over the guilt trip they tried to lay on her!)

I’m feeling very good about myself today, not only because of the absurdly long walk but just because I’m feeling good. It’s nice to have a positive self-image for the last week or so. It was such a short time ago that I was faking it til I made it, about being in a good mood, and now I’m just living it.

I am strong, lean, smart, sexy, open, and proud of who I am today. And I am honored to have you reading my blog and supporting me on my journey.

Ellen

This weekend, either today or tomorrow, I am walking 10 miles. The plan is to walk to my friend Megan’s house. The question is whether she will be able to come with me, which she wants to do but she has major family obligations that may make it impossible despite our best-laid plans. If Megan can’t come with, I’ve decided to walk to LaGrange, which is 2 or 3 towns away. It’s 5 miles there and 5 miles back. I figure I’ll stop at a coffee shop (oh wait I don’t drink coffee anymore) or something like that for a break and then I’ll walk back home. I’m finding that I need destinations to get me motivated. 10 miles seems like an awful long walk, doesn’t it? The thing that I’m amazed by is that I know I can do it. It’s just going to take some time.

 My phone just rang. My friend Mark is coming by. With his dog. That  means he wants to talk about local politics. Ugh. I was hoping I’d be done with that for the weekend. Well maybe since the dog is here we’ll walk. Walk walk walk. That is my life these days. I think I’m grateful for my vague OCD tendencies right now LOL or I’d never make all this progress.

Saw an old friend (read: ex BF Jack) last night. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year. He thought I looked fabulous - smart man. I told him I’d lost “about 20 pounds” and he said, well it looks like a whole lot more than that to me. He was always attracted to me regardless of my size but it was nice to have him react to me that way. I don’t think I’ll be seeing him very much; we always had a nice time together … easy talk, flirtation, etc … and we did again last night. That said, the magic isn’t what it was. And I want more from my love life.

I best go get dressed (yes I know it’s 1 in the afternoon!) before Mark gets here. Can’t really go walking or politicking in my nightshirt.

I am open to new experiences and proud of who I am today.

Hugs to all, Ellen

That’s my mantra for today. It’s the weekend; I thought I’d kick it up a notch.

Today has been a good day. I enjoyed some chicken-apple sausage (SuperTarget btw, 70 calories per link and delicious) and a banana for breakfast. Then I was going to meet my best girlfriend for lunch but her eldest son, my 5-year old godson, came down with a major fever and she had to stay home from work. I told her I’d come over and I’d bring lunch. And then I read the ‘fast food’ blog from Jo I believe and I decided I will cook lunch and I will bring it over. So I set about to broiling some chicken this morning. Then when that was done, I sprayed Olive Oil Pam on 2 slices of ezekiel bread (which I can eat) and put them on the same pan and broiled them for a bit. While that was happening I chopped up some goat cheddar and goat mozzarella. I made croutons out of the ezekiel bread and put them in the same container with the cheese. I packed up the chicken as well - still warm - and headed out. I stopped at Trader Joe’s along the way and got some spinach and some broccoli florets, as well as some lemon sorbet for dessert. When I got there I blanched the broccoli and assembled the salads. It was FANTASTIC! I don’t know the calories but I know it was totally in my plan - no gluten, no casein, no corn syrup (the sorbet was a natural one I get at TJs).

I have not gone for my walk yet, but I am about to. I have a meeting tonight at 7 and then am meeting up with a friend at 9 for some good old fashioned fun.

Have a good evening everyone, and thank you so much to all of you who have completed my survey. I have gotten a lot of responses and am feeling really supported in every way I can think of right now.

Hugs, Ellen

Friends,

I had posted about a week ago that I was working on a survey for my Research Methods class. Now, the professor wanted us to do it on something that we could use at work, but of course as many of you know, I have no work! So what I decided to do is a survey on Fitness Preferences. There’s a business reason for this as well; I’m working on a business plan for a more boutique-y type fitness environment and this research will help me do it, and I think acquire financing if I decide to go ahead with it.

So I need your help. I need people - at least 100!!! - to fill out the survey.  After I get the results, I will analyze them, write a paper, and give an oral presentation in class. I will also share those results with you - I’m always curious what other people have said when I take a survey.

The link to the survey is:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=RkQ4e2C1a15wnPv8RrZK0A_3d_3d

And it shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes of your time to do. Please invite your buddies and other friends to participate as well. You’ll be doing me a HUGE favor! Thanks in advance everyone.

Ellen

This is my new mantra. I am strong and lean. I am tired of telling myself that I am fat. I am tired of being fat. So I’m not anymore. I am strong and I am lean. I want to lose weight but the reality is, I am strong and I am lean. And I weigh 1.5 pounds less than I did last week. And my chiropractor who hadn’t seen me in a month said, “Hey you’ve lost weight! I can see it in your face!” And that was good. I have also now walked 112 miles in the last 3 1/2 weeks. And I will walk several more today. Do you know why? Of course you do… I am strong and lean.

Claire tried to kill me today. My triceps are burnt out. It’s downright hilarious. My most hated exercise of the day? Well it’s a toss up I think between doing 65 pound chest presses with my legs raised high off the ground, or holding a push up position on the bosu and bringing each leg to the side, sweeping the floor with my toes, 15 times on each leg, times 3 sets. We also did quite a bit of core. She was in a mood. It was insanity.

But it was okay, because I am strong and lean.

Hi. I am fast becoming a believer in the power of positive thinking. Yesterday you’ll recall I was hit with a major “wow! life is great!!” feeling and today it continues. After I blogged yesterday, the phone rang and it was about a job. A job that fits with my background. A job that fits with my values and my passions. They wanted to meet with me first thing this morning. So I talked to Tatiana last night about it and she said to me that in addition to thinking good thoughts about the job itself, I should think good thoughts about the people I was going to meet. That I should ask the universe to give me good people to talk to, principled people with values and passions like mine. And guess what? That’s exactly who I met. I met 2 lovely wonderful passionate and compassionate people who love what they do and want to give the job to someone who can fit into their environment well and still deliver results. And you know what? I think that person is someone pretty much exactly like me. And what’s more is I think they think that too. It’ll take some time before I will know anything but I feel very good about the impression I made today. And I left there thinking, this is my job. This is it. This is what I’ve been looking for. So thank you universe for hearing my heart’s desire.

On the diet front, I did not weigh in this morning. I didn’t want to be distracted from my interview and I had to leave the house at 7:20 to get there on time. So I decided this week I’d weigh in tomorrow instead. Using the power of positive thinking, I have decided that the scale will be lower this week than last. I have done awesomely with my walking and I’ve done very well on the gluten/casein free lifestyle as well. So the scale will go down. I know it will. Thank you in advance universe for hearing me.

Soon I am off to the gym. I have Claire at 2:30 and I’d like to get 4 miles solid beforehand if I can. That means I want to be on the treadmill by about 1pm - I can obviously do 4 miles faster than 90 minutes, evidenced by yesterday, but Claire has a staff meeting immediately before my appointment and sometimes she gets done early and likes to start me early. So I just want my tread-time to be done with beforehand. Later today I have the chiropractor - monthly adjustment - and then I have a political meeting. Also another monthly event. It’s a busy day in Ellen-land!

Hugs to all. Expect the good and good things will come to you. Expect the bad and … I’m just saying expect the good. Ellen

It seems like just a few days ago that I was hopelessly down in the dumps, and then today I feel like a whole new me. Everything is just going swimmingly. Here are just a few examples:

1. I did 6 miles on the treadmill at the gym. So that’s awesome, right? Well I also did those 6 miles in 93 minutes. Which is incredible for me. I was able to run for about 10 minutes of it at 5.2 mph which frankly is like the wind for me. I am so slow and plodding it’s absurd. Anyway, all things considered this was a huge breakthru day for me on the treadmill. And I feel good enough that I may take a walk in the neighborhood tonight and get a couple additional miles in! Right now, I’m at 103 miles! A huge accomplishment. And I know it is for me, but also because my trainer and a few other folks at the gym are just beaming at me all the time!
2. Yesterday I got an email from a consulting group, asking me if I’d sign up with them to be an expert contributor/consultant - it has to do with my previous line of work. I signed up, they contacted me right away and today I did my first assignment. It was an hour long phone call, and they paid me - a lot - to just talk to an investment guy about the industry I was part of for 15 years. So I made money today, and that rocks.

3. I feel more in control of my job situation in general. First off,  I told the people of that horrible interview that I didn’t want the job and that I was withdrawing my application. Hard to do, but they were going to do it anyway I’m sure, and even if they weren’t I didn’t want that job. So that was empowering. Then I went looking at Monster today and found a number of jobs I’d be interested in so that was a plus - it’s been kinda weak for a while now but today was a good day. I also updated my Linked In profile, which is a professional networking site if you’re not familiar with it, and contacted someone I haven’t worked with in about 5 years through there. He started his own company after leaving my last company and I asked him about freelance work. He wrote back to me within 3 hours and we’re going to try to get together soon. I also got an email from a friend who said there is a job I’d be great at with the university she works for and I plan to apply for that. So all in all, I think things are looking up.

4. I turned in my survey assignment last night and I’m feeling pretty good about it. I should get some feedback from the professor by tomorrow night. Then I’ll be able to share the link with all of you and we can get to some market research. I’m excited about this because I really am thinking about this business plan as what I’m supposed to be doing next and if that’s the case this puts me one step closer to that goal.

So that’s my positive story for the day. I’m in a great mood. I’m feeling good about me. I’m feeling good about the universe. And I’m feeling like my weigh in tomorrow isn’t going to be great, but I’m feeling like that’s okay too.

Signed, Pollyanna

It’s funny - you’d think the unemployed wouldn’t wake up on Mondays with the same sense of “OMG, I don’t have to do this again do I?” but I do. Mondays aren’t nearly as horrific as they were when I was making the decision to leave my job, but they certainly aren’t a walk in the mental park either.

Tonight I have school. Statistics. Research Methods in Management actually but it’s the same thing. I’m working on a homework assignment - a survey that is due by midnight. Most people are writing one that will help them solve a problem at work. I don’t have that luxury so I’m actually doing one that I’m going to ask you folks to participate in, if you want and I hope you want! It’s on fitness preferences and related to a new business idea I have - another cure for unemployment? I have written the survey; I need to post it to a web tool before I can roll it out to you all. But I will. I promise! (And I thank you in advance for the 5 minutes you’ll need to complete it!)

This weekend was Oktoberfest - from hell. I was there for 5+ hours on Friday night and 12 full hours on Saturday. My legs were aching from standing there in the booth. My organization was selling Affy Tapples and Caramel Corn… completely not anything I can eat and believe it or not despite being surrounded by it for 18 hours, or perhaps because I was surrounded by it for so long. I saw the ex-bf there both days; once he was with a girl and drunk and the other time he was alone, and drunk. Oddly enough he never drank when we were together, at least not around me. I couldn’t help but think - damn, I feel sorry for that girl. I hope she smartens up. I wasted too much of my time and self-esteem with that yahoo. Hate to see someone else make the same mistakes. Anyway, despite the carnival food like atmosphere, I did pretty well on my eating… maintained the no-wheat, no-corn, no-dairy diet and I think I did well on my portions. Highlight ‘meal’ was lean brisket and watermelon lemonade (holy cow!) from a great local restaurant .

Walking continues to go well, but not as well as in weeks past. I have just today left in the week tally and I’m only at 23 miles. Technically I only have to get in 2 more miles today to meet my 25 mile weekly goal, but I hate not getting in more. It’s just been a crazy week for me - between visitors, interviews, tests and Oktoberfest I’ve just been insanely busy. I’m going to get in 4 miles for sure today and if possible I will push it harder. I’ve just got a clock ticking because of the assignment that is due and the commute involved with getting to class.

Okay this is getting too long. I will close out here and think of brilliant things to write tomorrow. LOL Thank you for sticking with me here!

Ellen

This whole job search thing is getting to me. Big time. Today I had an interview that I was really excited about - a company I’d love to work for, and the position would basically allow me to transition my past experience into a whole digital realm. A big opportunity for sure.  

I was nervous this morning and cancelled my lunch with my good friend Tim so I could focus. I went on a nice walk (3 miles - nothing too crazy) to clear my head and I did some research, enough to feel confident that I had a clue what these folks really did. Then the phone rang, and it was the HR manager from my interview last week, the one that I didn’t want but was plenty qualified for. Get this: They don’t want me. I’m not even making it to Round 2. So that’s a confidence buster, when someone in your own industry (different area but definitely related) says “yeah, you’re not it.”

 So I regroup, and I put on my new suit. I note that it fits perfectly and looks great and I felt all smart again. When I bought it, I didn’t have it hemmed at the time because I really felt I needed some SPANX for it to fit perfectly and now I don’t need the SPANX. My tummy looks considerably flat - considering it’s not - in the pants. I head downtown leaving plenty of time and arrive in plenty of time. I even have time to write down a few more questions and notes about what I had read in the morning.

The HR person greeted me and was definitely cordial, although not nearly as over-the-top friendly as she was when we chatted on the phone. They put me in a small, hot, glass conference room and my first of two interviewers came in. He told me a lot about the company, about the opportunity, and asked a few tough questions - about as tough as I like them. Borderline on a bit over-the-top tough but I held my own. When he left, I thought to myself, well that didn’t go perfectly but I did my best. I stood up and stretched my legs, and notice Interviewer 1 talking to someone in the hallway.

Who turned out to be Interviewer 2, the hiring manager. She came in all smiles. She asked me very few questions about me and my experiences - I brought them in as best I could on my own which is what I needed to do. But ultimately our meeting felt like a classic bad dream. I was at an oral final exam that I hadn’t studied for and pretty much had never been to class. And then suddenly I’m naked - power suit? Hardly. She spoke quickly and used foreign vocabulary. I couldn’t keep up. And then the meeting closes. She’s cordial, because that’s what you do, but she’s completely uninterested in me as a candidate. I suspect after the fact that what Interviewer 1 did was tell her where he thought I was potentially weak and her gig was to go for the jugular. Mission accomplished - I have bled out.

I wandered around Nordstrom afterwards to see if I could find something to buy so I could validate my expensive city parking. It took me about 45 minutes to find a necklace to go with my power suit. That’s where I started, although I hit 3 other departments on 2 other floors before I went back to the beginning. Then I rescued my car and drove home in the height of rush hour pondering whether or not I have any skills or experiences that would make me employable.

This has been a long long

I stepped on, stepped off, and looked around.

I stepped on, stepped off, and looked around.

I stepped on, stepped off, and looked around.

It took me 3 times to believe the scale. Down 3 pounds this week. This after eating out twice yesterday. My trainer is going to flip out when I see her at 2:30. In a good way of course.

I’m honestly so shocked right now that I can’t think of what to write. Amazing. I think this walking thing is actually working.